(tlhIngan bom tlhab ghom Trump)
Using English to think about the Trump candidacy has become weird, so the Waltham Review has decided to take a new approach. In addition to English, we will now address the Trump phenomenon in the Klingon language, and with Klingon Haiku.
Before you take offense at any of the poetry in this post, please remember that some concepts are impossible to translate from Klingon into English, so the English translations, which come from the Bing translation engine, are only approximate. For obvious reasons – in particular our desire to avoid indroducing our own translation errors – the Waltham Review has decided not to adjust the Bing translation, so obviously some of these “haiku” have atypical syllable counts when translated into English. In any case “Klingon Haiku” is a concept that is more flexible, in terms of syllable count, than the more orthodox structures with which you may be familiar.
The Klingon version of each poem is obviously the authoritative version. In some cases the English translations appear to be entirely inscrutable.
We will update this post each day with new Klingon Haiku for Team Trump. Enjoy.
Our October 22, 2016 Klingon Haiku for @realDonaldTrump, celebrating his coming media endeavor!
pItlh Qujmey
mIS ghoH
veS noH veqlargh
Approximate English translation (subject to error):
Our October 19, 2016 Klingon Haiku for @realDonaldTrump to celebrate tonight’s third and final debate.
taQ ngach
vIt Qatlh Samta’meH
vaj ghewmey pop
Approximate English translation (subject to error):
Our October 12, 2016 Klingon Haiku is inspired by Republican Vice Presidential candidate Mike Pence’s characteristically bland response to a Trump supporter who proposed revolution in the event of a Hillary Clinton election victory.
Dal loD
ja’chuq vIneH
chIS Daw’
Approximate English translation (subject to error):
The man is boring
I want to tell
White Revolution
Our October 11, 2016 Klingon Haiku for Donald J. Trump.
QatlhwI’ qach
‘a ngeD Qaw’
mach ghop QeH
Approximate English translation (subject to error):
Our Indigenous Peoples’ Day (October 10, 2016) Klingon Haiku for Donald J. Trump. This Klingon Haiku commemorates the unique disaster that is the Republican Party that has been his host of late:
tIn veQ baH
Hot jIl be’nal
qet vIghro’
Approximate English translation (subject to error):
a large garbage fire
Taste of neighbor wife
run cat
Our weekend (October 8/9 2016) Klingon Haiku for Donald J. Trump. This Klingon Haiku commemorates the moment of his abandonment by many members of the current Republican establishment:
Qongbogh tlha’
qet yIDoH nom
ghorgh poq
Approximate English translation (subject to error):
The wolves that were with him followed
run away fast
When indigestion
please note that Klingon “poq” can be translated as both the noun “indigestion” and the verb “to require”, so an alternative translation would be
The wolves that were with him followed
run away fast
When required
Both are valid translations from Klingon into English.
On October 7, 2016 we offer another Klingon Haiku for Donald J. Trump:
wej qan yap HIq
‘ach ngo’ yap puv
Approximate English translation (subject to error):
Our October 6, 2016 we have three – yes, three! – Klingon Haiku for Donald J. Trump himself:
mIgh Sar
rur tetlh ghargh je
Hutlh megh’an
puq QeH
vaj not ‘uch
HoSghaj nuH
QeH Soj qung
Hal ‘oH
maw’ mu’
Approximate English translations (subject to error):
evil Varied
like a roll, and worm
Without end
the children Angry
I will never hold
Powerful weapon
Angry Food hole
Is the source of the
crazy words
Our October 5, 2016 Klingon Haiku for Trump VP candidate Mike Pence:
ngebmo’ mu’
lughoS ngeD nuj
ghorgh tIq Heghpu’
Approximate English translation (subject to error):
and easy mouth
When the dead heart
Our October 5, 2016 Klingon Haiku for Trump backer Rudy Giuliani:
valbe’chugh loD
peloS Ha’ vo’
qoH rur “bernard kerik”
Approximate English translation (subject to error):
stay Come from the
like a fool, “bernard kerik”
Our October 4, 2016 Klingon Haiku for Trump economic adviser Peter Navarro:
yap Qap
nuvpu’ SuD laH pIch maH
qay’
Approximate English translation (subject to error):
Our October 4, 2016 Klingon Haiku for Donald J. Trump:
ghobe’ veS vIlegh
‘ach vaq loD ‘Iv bech
loD wIv
Approximate English translation (subject to error):
No, I see the war
but the man had who mocked.
may a man
Our October 3, 2016 Klingon Haiku for Donald J. Trump:
poH yap
vabDot mach ghop
laH, tlhoy’ tIn qach
Approximate English translation (subject to error):
enough time to do more
even a small hand.
building of a large wall,
Our October 3, 2016 Klingon Haiku for Trump spokesperson Katrina Pierson:
loD QeH toy’ ghaH
‘ach be’nal maw’ loD bang
ta’ HoHlu’ vav
Approximate English translation (subject to error):
Angry man, servant to Polonius
but the man took a wife, and love madness
the father of the Kill the King
Our October 2, 2016 Klingon Haiku for Donald J. Trump:
rup ‘oHbe’ nap
ghorgh beQDaq mamej Huch luj SoH
muS loD DawIvpu’ maH
Approximate English translation (subject to error):
Our October 1, 2016 Klingon Haiku for Donald J. Trump:
loD mach ghop
chaw’nIS tISchoHlaHbe’bogh muS.
loD wIv
Approximate English translation (subject to error):
Our October 1, 2016 Klingon Haiku for Paul Manafort:
Do che’wI’ ‘oH teH toy’ loD
Do che’wI’ ‘oH Hoch Do che’wI’ ‘oH
che’ vo’ bIr puH
Approximate English translation (subject to error):
Our October 1, 2016 Klingon Haiku for Jared Kushner:
pe’ nga’chuq Doch loD
‘op jaj pIHoH be’nal vav
bIS’ub Hot.
Approximate English translation (subject to error):
Our October 1, 2016 Klingon Haiku for Vice Presidential candidate Mike Pence:
tIn ghop loD
Qam ‘Iv DaSum loQ ghop loD
pe’ ghop
Approximate English translation (subject to error, and the term “DaSum” is untranslatable in this context):
Our October 1, 2016 Klingon Haiku for adviser Stephen Bannon:
loD qan mIgh
mIv mach loD muS ‘Iv
naDev tlham nob.
Approximate English translation (subject to error):
Our October 1, 2016 Klingon Haiku for Trump supporter Roger Stone:
jIb chIS loD
vay’ legh be’nal nga’chuq loD
nga’chuq Daq Hot
Approximate English translation (subject to error):
Our October 1, 2016 Klingon Haiku for Ivanka Trump:
vavlI’ ‘a maH
‘ach SoH Hot ghaH qaStaHvIS mIw
Hot Huj naDmo’
Approximate English translation (subject to error):
This post will be updated as new Klingon Haiku arrive.
(Artwork: Egon Schiele (Austrian, 1890-1918) Agony (the Death Struggle) 1912)
The Waltham Review 
The translations are very moving. I can’t of course speak for their accuracy. I want to reassure you though that the 5-7-5 pattern for haiku in Japanese isn’t relevant in English, a language given to multi-syllabic words. My friend the haiku poet Karen Klein tells me that in English they should simply aim for extreme brevity, a single gesture, and include a turn or fold, as in for instance: “old man evil / the man who hate a small helmet // here in order.”
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